iPod Shuffle Challenge: Doctor Who
by Veritas Found
Summary: 10/24 ficlets written for a multi-fandom response to the iPod Shuffle Challenge.
1. Where I Stood

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** (Tenth) Doctor x Rose Tyler, Donna-Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** Spoilers for 04x13 ("Journey's End").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Where I Stood (performed by Missy Higgins)**_

_But you ain't leaving without a fight_

_And I think I am just as torn inside_

'_Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

'_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

It was silly, really. Silly and confusing, but what about this mess wasn't confusing? He finally got her back, only to be exterminated, only to sort of regenerate, only to split, only to…lose her again. To the other him. Not that he…well. It's not like he gave her a choice in the matter. Really, he just shoved them together. He forced her into this, in a way. She wanted him, and he gave her…well, him, but not the him she wanted_._

She'd said no, at first. Until the other him said what he couldn't, and then…well, it seemed good enough for her. So he turned his back on them – on her – and did the noble thing. The Time Lord thing. He ran. (He always has been so very good at running. Something he taught her; something she never forgot and never will, he had no doubt.)

But it was him she was getting, in the end. A modified him, a more human him, but still basically him. And he got no one, but that didn't matter. He was better alone. He was best alone. No Jack, no Martha, no Donna…no Rose. No distractions. No…

He was a Time Lord. He didn't do the human thing – the other him would. That's what she needed. He could love her better than he could by that simple fact: he was more human than he could ever hope to be. The Donna-Doctor could love her. The Doctor…did, but couldn't. Not like she needed. Not like he wanted.

But he was the Doctor, and this was his life. No looking back. Nothing but regrets. Alone. The Doctor and his TARDIS, traveling all of time and space and occasionally picking up companions but…none that ever stayed. Because when they stayed they ended up like Donna, like Rose…like the Doctor-Donna. And he…

He was best alone.


	2. Seven Wonders

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** (Tenth) Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K / G / All Ages

**Notes:** Set during the 02x12 ("Army of Ghosts").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Seven Wonders (performed by Nickel Creek)**_

_And nothing he could say would change a thing_

_Seven wonders, crowed the man, knowing six are gone_

_And how the great delusion lingers on_

They stand on rocky soil, overlooking a burnt orange sky that isn't quite right on a prehistoric planet. At least, it looks prehistoric; truth be told, it's more like that planet's equivalent of the Sahara. No one really goes there because it isn't the most hospitable of places, so as time marched on it remained relatively unchanged.

Except he knows better.

A thousand years ago, it was thriving with life. A bustling civilization just waiting to break out, and then the great famine had struck, the people died, the survivors moved farther south, time past, and soon no one lived in this wasteland but the wild creatures soaring through the sky (and maybe a spare vole; nature was funny like that). A thousand years to come, it will burst with life once more. Dropping temperatures will chase the inhabitants back this way, where they'll find a paradise they'll never want to leave. The cycle will repeat until the planet's death, but by that point – like the humans and Earth – the inhabitants will all be long gone and she'll die deserted. It was just the way of things.

Things live, things die; times come and pass, but for just a moment – one sparkling moment – he can stand on rocky soil, overlooking a burnt orange sky that isn't quite right on a prehistoric planet with her by his side. One day, she'll pass, too; they all do in the end. She promised him forever, and he knows she meant it, but no one ever stays that long. She'll find something – someone – better, or she'll be ripped away, or…well, things happen. Nothing good ever lasts. They've just been lucky so far, and each morning she wakes up he hopes their luck lasts just a bit longer.

"How long are you gonna stay with me?" he asks, needing to hear it one more time even though he knows it's an unintentional lie. All the good things go in the end, but for just this moment he can fool himself into believing she'll be the one that doesn't.

"Forever," she says, and then they smile and, though he knows she's wrong, he agrees.


	3. Other Side of the World

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** General S4.

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Other Side of the World (performed by KT Tunstall)**_

_Over the sea and far away, she's waiting like an iceberg_

_Waiting to change – but she's cold inside_

_She wants to be like the water_

_All the muscles tighten in her face_

_Buries her soul in one embrace_

_They're one and the same, just like water_

_And the fire fades away_

_Most of every day is full of tired excuses – but it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple – but we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see that_

_You're the other side of the world to me_

She had been to hundreds of beaches in her twenty-odd years, but this had to be the worst. Her beach – _their_ beach – and she hated it. It was cold. It was gray. The sea and sky and sand blended together in one frigid lump, the black rocks the only difference in their continual monotonous wash. In her black Torchwood garb, pale skin, and washed-out hair she blended just as well, practically disappearing into the bleak landscape. Some days she thought that would be best, truth be told.

And then she thought of Jackie and Pete. And then she thought of Tony. And then she thought of _him_. And then she remembered the stars were going out, and she thought of the multiverse and the anomaly that was Donna Noble. She thought of the large, standard-issue Torchwood gun resting by her feet on the rocks. She thought back to that day three years ago, the worst day of her life.

And she still wondered if her disappearing would be best, but then she thought of the Bad Wolf lurking within her and realized that no, no, it really wouldn't.

Because she was Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. More than that, she was the Bad Wolf. And once again she had a message to get out, only this time it was for the Doctor. A whole universe away, but with the walls crumbling…

"Ma'am? They're ready for you," called a young soldier from the base of the rocks she stood upon. Ross, he was called. She liked Ross; she'd already seen a world where he hadn't been quite so lucky. "They're getting ready to fire the canon. Said it should get you through this time – no fading."

"I wasn't fading 'cause of the canon, Ross – the canon wasn't working then," she said, hoping down from her perch. "That was all B…me."

"'Course it was, ma'am," he said, giving her an indulgent smile. She just rolled her eyes; the only one who really believed her was Mickey, anyway.

"C'mon – let's get me home," she said, and with another "Yes, ma'am," (she hated when they called her that) he followed after.


	4. They Weren't There

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** Post-Doomsday.

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**They Weren't There (performed by Missy Higgins)**_

_Now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song_

_So they can tell me I was wrong_

_But they weren't there beneath your stare_

_And they weren't stripped 'til they were bare_

_Of any bindings from the world outside that room_

_And they weren't taken by the hand_

_And led through fields of naked land_

'_Til any pre-conceived ideas were blown away_

_So I couldn't say no_

"You should just get over him, sweetheart," Jackie would say.

"He wouldn't want you to just stop like this," Pete would say.

"He wouldn't want you to kill yourself at work, either," Mickey would say.

They all had their opinions, their little bits of wisdom to pass on to her. What he'd want her to do, what he wouldn't want her to do, what he'd expect her to do…but she couldn't bring herself to listen, no matter how much she wanted to. He would want her to move on? Maybe – he'd told her that much once. But…she was, in a way. He wouldn't want her to stop her life? She wasn't – defending the Earth, defending everything in general, had become her life. How was working at Torchwood stopping that? She didn't even like to think of what Mickey pestered her on; she wasn't killing herself. Dedication wasn't suicide. Yeah, she pushed too hard and too much sometimes, but…

It's what her life had become: standing up and making the decision because no one else would. He'd taught her that. How could he want her to do anything else?

She was going to be fantastic. She was going to defend the Earth. But most importantly, she was going to find a way back.

So yes, she worked hard. She pushed too much. She gave it her all, because that's all she had left to give. If it meant finding a way back…well, she'd give her all and then some.

"Why are you doing this, Rose? Why can't you just accept that you're here now?" Mickey had asked her one day. She had stopped then, just for a moment, as she wondered how she could answer. She had smiled, remembering a conversation so similar at a chippy not far from the old Estates – so she told him exactly what she had told him then.

"The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life," she had said, "and I just can't go back, Mickey."

"It's not that much better," he had mumbled, disgruntled, and she had just smiled at him. "I was there, remember? French tarts and genocidal robot aliens."

She had let it drop, because she knew – like she knew now – he'd never understand. He couldn't understand, not when he didn't want to. He was only there for a little while; he never got the view she did. He wasn't the one who'd watched her planet die, only to walk down one of its streets minutes later with a bag of chips in one hand and the Doctor's hand in the other. He wasn't the one who'd run from gasmask zombies only to end the day dancing to Glenn Miller in the console room. He only saw the bad in it, not even realizing how the Doctor had helped him, too; he didn't see that with the bad came the wonderful, the fantastic – the better.

"You're wrong, Mickey," she said, breathing out a sigh as she looked up at the stars that weren't quite right, just in time to see another flicker out. "It was better than this. It was so much better than this…"


	5. The Wanderlust

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Donna Noble

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** Post-04x13 ("Journey's End").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**The Wanderlust (performed by Flogging Molly)**_

_Dark though it has been your real spirit still shines within_

_These last thirteen years depraved of us anything that's worth sayin'_

_Do you still walk the streets at night with the wanderlust you find_

_Back to the corner where we went our separate ways?_

Sometimes, she saw things. Glimpses, really, of things that couldn't be – things that were too impossible, too wonderful, to be real. Things that, when she remembered, made her feel…special. Worth something. And yet…completely, totally mad all at the same time.

She'd go walking at night, down dark London streets that sang a different song every twilight. Sometimes she'd pass by the Thames, and in her mind she'd remember standing on a pillar in the middle of the drained river or an underground lab beneath it. Sometimes she'd pass an office building, and she'd swear the name on the sign used to read "Adipose Industries". Sometimes she'd walk down a road, and the bin at the end would make her pause as she thought of a blonde with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen.

She'd get the strangest feeling when people would talk about the old Dalek attacks (events she still didn't believe really happened), a cold shiver of fear mixed with the deepest pang of sorrow and regret. She couldn't enter a library anymore (not that she was ever big on them in the first place, though she had worked in a long time ago). A mate took a holiday in Italy once and came back with gorgeous photos and amazing tales of her visit to Pompeii – and all she could think was, "I was in the bleedin' volcano."

Little things, nudges and hunches and flashes she'd get for no apparent reason from the strangest of things, but all the same they were things she couldn't ignore. Like the businessman who approached her the other day at work, asking for a date; half of her said to avoid dating men at work (they only led to giant spiders), and the other half said they were too good to be true (they sparked the same feelings as libraries).

Still, she walked every night, visiting these places that should hold no significant meaning but always made her think of something she couldn't fully remember. And some nights, when that feeling – that niggling on her back – became too much to bear, she'd start running, a full-out pelt down the streets as if hell itself was nipping at her heels because…she had to. Running was…running was…better. It was a better way of life. It was…

She never held down a job for longer than a month. It was that same feeling, that same itching in her legs, that told her she needed more than this. She could do more – be more – than a steady nine-to-five, go home, eat chips, watch telly, sleep, repeat life. She could remember a time when she had stood before leaders and rulers beside the greatest friend she'd ever had and said _No_, just because she could – because it was great. And just as soon as she'd remember, she'd forget – and then she'd remember another man, someone she always related to the moon, who would agree: "Yes, and then you forgot." It was a phrase she could remember so clearly, but not where from or why. It fit, though; it fit so very well.

Sometimes she thought of leaving. Just pack her bags and go, no looking back, no plan, no nothing – just leaving and never coming back. But as soon as the thought would enter her mind, she'd think of her mum, and she'd think of her gramps, and she couldn't do it. She was supposed to take care of them now, especially with her dad gone (that was maybe what hurt the most; why couldn't she remember her dad's passing? Sometimes it was like she woke up with entire years missing). She entertained the idea, seriously considered it some days, but never carried through. She couldn't.

So she took her walks, and she changed her jobs. It was the most she could do now, even when she felt she was more. Even when…and then she remembered that she was just Donna, just a temp, just a nothing, and it was easier to let those thoughts go.

But then she'd come to the end of her walks, standing on this spot just in front of her house where – sometimes – she could feel the Earth turning beneath her, feel the air thrumming around her, and she'd remember. For the briefest glimpse of a moment, she'd remember a skinny streak of nothing with flyaway hair and ancient eyes, and though she couldn't give him a name or a why she could give him a feeling: love. She'd remember him, and she'd remember love – and not the romantic kind, 'cause he was just a skinny streak of nothing, but the kind everyone needed – wanted. The love from the greatest friend you'd ever have, the love from feeling like you're someone special – someone important. For the briefest glimpse of a moment, she was Donna Noble, human, and she was brilliant.

And just when the feeling would overwhelm her – when the warmth flooding her mind and heart would become too much to bear – it would go away, and once again she was Donna Noble, temp, nothing. The air would grow still and stale, and the Earth wouldn't turn, and she'd just be standing on a street in Chiswick outside her home. And she'd hang her head and walk up those steps, turning back when a breeze would carry crisp leaves along the road, and – for another brief moment – would catch a glimpse of something blue, and then it was gone. And then, she forgot.


	6. Thunder

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** (Tenth) Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** 02x13 ("Doomsday"), 03x02 ("The Shakespeare Code").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Thunder (performed by Boys Like Girls)**_

_Today is a winding road that's taken me to places that I didn't want to go, woah_

_Today in the blink of an eye, I'm holding onto something and I do not know why I tried_

…

_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer_

_Do you know you're unlike any other?_

_You'll always be my thunder, and I said_

_Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors_

_I don't wanna ever love another_

_So bring on the rain_

_And bring on the thunder_

The suction dies down, and he drops to the ground in a heap. His arms are locked in place, clinging desperately to the clamp despite the lack of a need to anymore. He doesn't really care – doesn't really notice. His gaze, wide-eyed and terrified and so very close to feral, is stuck on that damned wall. That damned wall that had acted as a portal, a giant vacuum sucking everything touched with voidstuff through it and…oh, Rassilon…it…it…

How the hell did he get here? She was supposed to be safe, damn it! And in some strange, nonsensical way, it didn't even matter that she was – she was supposed to be safe _and here_, and she wasn't. She wasn't here – she was _there_, on the other side of that damned wall, a universe away. She was…she was…but how the hell did he get _here?_

He doesn't get that close, especially after his home…especially after the War. And yet she had wormed her way into his hearts, with her black eyes and stunning smiles and dyed hair and…with her. Just her, and she…how did he fall so hard? How did he let himself get so wrapped up in her that…he almost stole her from her family. Hell, he _did_ steal her from her family – and when he tried to give her back, she chose him. She chose to stay. And then she…

He's pushing himself up off the floor, away from the wall and those damned clamps and walking towards that blasted wall. It's steady, solid, with nothing pulling at him – nothing but that intangible link, that connection with a silly little London shopgirl that's pulling at him from across hell itself. He can feel her, if he just closes his eyes and focuses, but as his hand lies against the wall and he feels that gaping ache in his chest, the emptiness of his hand where hers should always be, he doesn't know if he wants to focus. He doesn't know if he can. If he…

He balls his hand into a fist before he can lose himself in the grief, the sounds of carnage around him drawing him from his personal agony. He'll drown in it if he lets himself – he has before. He swallows back the tears – he won't, _can't_ cry – and turns, walking away.

– W –

"But your heart grows cold – the north wind blows and carries down the distant…Rose," the Carrionite says, smiling sweetly, and he hides well what a blow the name is to him. But it's that blow – that shock of resolve that courses through him, the memory of where she is and what she's doing now and what she'd expect him to do – that steels him, makes him stand taller, prouder, and his lip curls as he shakes his head. He pushes himself from the floor, an unknown strength bolstering him as he faces his impossible foe.

"Oh, big mistake," he snarls, the memory of her smile and laugh flitting through his mind. The way she'd stand beside him, ready for anything – even if she had no clue what she was doing. Just ready and willing, because she believed him – believed in what he did – and wanted to help. And now she was a universe away, so far out of his reach, and he knew she was doing exactly what they'd always done – and would want him to do the same. So he has to, for her. He has to, to honor her – even if it kills him. He has to. "'Cause that's the name that keeps me fighting!"


	7. Nothing Without You

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Donna-Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** Post-S4.

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Nothing Without You (performed by Vienna Teng)**_

_Oh, call my name – you know my name_

_And in your love, everything will change_

_Tell me it won't always be this hard_

_I am nothing without you_

_But I don't know who you are_

"Rose?"

Her eyes squeezed tighter together, her mind willing him and all of his familiarity away. She slumped further in the chair facing the giant window that overlooked the expansive yard of the Tyler Estate. Her hands were clasped together, her forehead pressing into her thumbs as she breathed in and out, steadying breaths that really weren't helping. They had arrived back at the mansion maybe an hour before, and she had been locked in this room ever since – hiding, in all honesty, and she wasn't ashamed to admit it.

This wasn't how she had expected things to turn out. At this very moment, she was supposed to be a universe away, hand clasped tightly with its match on the other side of the walls. She was supposed to be laughing and smiling, so incredibly happy because she was _finally_ home, _finally_ where she belonged. She was supposed to be there, happy.

She wasn't supposed to be hiding from a near-perfect copy of her match on this side of the Void, huddled in the dark and shaking from a cold deeper than improper heating. She wasn't supposed to be a breath away from an edge she was terrified to peek over, unsure whether or not she'd be able to return from it once she was there. She wasn't supposed to be just ok, and then even not really so: she wasn't supposed to be completely crushed, by her actions and his. She wasn't supposed to be questioning herself, him, or tomorrow. She was supposed to know.

And maybe that's what killed her the most: she didn't know. She didn't know how to react around this him that so painfully wasn't. The him that, when Pete had asked what the hell he was doing there, had given a clippy answer that ended in an even icier: "Isn't it just _wizard?_" The him that suddenly liked pears and was annoyed by bananas, the him that only had one heart to beat beneath her searching palm. The him that was so much like a new regeneration but still waltzed around in the same old skin. The him that had so much Donna in him – who had told her exactly what the real him planned to do with Donna – it made her ill at times.

And yet, underneath all that was different, was that same aching familiarity. He wasn't her Doctor, but at the same exact time he _was_, painfully so. The same goofy grins, the same great hair, the same spark in his ancient eyes every time he looked at her – it was him, all of it, even when it wasn't. And it left her so terribly confused and hurt, and she just didn't know how to react to it. Hold him? Slap him? Tell him to find a way to get her damn dimension cannon working again so she could get the hell out of here? Tell him to never let her go because, in the end, she just needed him, no matter what version that him came in?

"Rose?" he asked again, and past her huddled shadow she could see his silhouette outlined by the light spilling from the hall. His hand – that hand that was the only thing she had left of her real Doctor – was propped against the heavy door, holding it open as he stood in the crossway and watched her. He sounded so uncertain, but he wasn't the only one – and that fact alone kept her from running to him right there.

"Tell me it's not always gonna be like this," she whispered, her voice cracking as she squeezed her hands together. She could feel the frown on his face, even from this distance. She knew him so well, even when it wasn't really him. "Tell me it's not always gonna be this hard."

"It won't be," he promised, too quickly, and she realized he knew her too well, too – even when it was through Donna-colored glasses. The lie was appreciated, even if she didn't believe it. "I promise, Rose. It'll get easier. I'm still me."

"No, you're not," she said, quickly and harshly, and knew without turning her words made him wince. "You're so different, and I can't figure out if what's scaring me so much is that or that you don't even seem to notice – neither of you did. I don't know you, D…"

"Call me John," he said when she faltered, like he'd been considering it for a while. Maybe he did know he wasn't quite the Doctor, or maybe he just knew he'd need a name other than 'Doctor' in this new, day-to-day, human world. "John Noble."

"I don't know you, John," she said, smiling slightly at his chosen surname. "I don't know you at all, 'cause I know you didn't regenerate, but it's like you might as well have. I don't know you, but every time I look at you – every time I feel you near me – I can't stop loving you. The Doctor's made me a wreck, hasn't he? I don't know who you are, but I know if you weren't here I'd be…I need you. I love you. _And I don't even know you._"

She jumped as his hand settled on her shoulder; she hadn't even heard him move. His calloused hand flexed, a gentle squeeze so familiar and comforting she couldn't help but feel just a bit relieved.

"Then…think of it like that," he said, and she turned slightly to get a better look at him. Even in the shadows, she could see the torn look in his eyes – one that she knew so well another face ago, in blue eyes set beside a large nose she had loved so much. "We've done regeneration before, and isn't it just like that? You didn't know me when I came out all bouncy with big hair, but you still loved me. Remember? I know you remember, Rose."

"I remember," she said, smiling despite herself at the memory. She had been terrified then, too – but it hadn't seemed as impossible as…no, it did. More so, really.

"So I'm a new new new me, only this time you get to keep the foxy outside," he said, winking as he crouched beside her. She looked back out the window, her throat clenching against the tears that wanted to spill.

"Tell me it's not always gonna be this hard," she said, a parrot of her earlier request. He pulled her into him, her ear settling over his singular heart as he ran his fingers through her hair. It hurt to hear that single beat, so terrifying in its likeness to her own yet thrilling all the same.

"It won't," he whispered, pressing his lips to the crown of her head.

And this time, if only a little bit, she believed him.


	8. Someone Else's Life

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Donna Noble

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** 04x01 ("Partners in Crime").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Someone Else's Life (performed by Jo Dee Messina)**_

_There's a whole new world waiting for you, girl_

_She waved the nine-to-five a big goodbye_

_She just got tired of living someone else's life_

_Yeah, she heard the sky is full of stars in Buenos Aires_

_If you're gonna say she's crazy, you better say it in Spanish, baby_

_She's gonna start living – it's time to start living_

_Oh, it's time to start living, time to start living someone else's life_

She hadn't really realized what she was missing all that time until he showed up in her life.

Well, until she was sucked up into his space ship on her wedding day 'cause her crazy fiancée was dosing her with Martian space ship food, but that's not really the point here.

She hadn't really realized what she was missing all that time until that day, when she met him.

Granted, they hadn't really met at the best of times. She'd been in the middle of her wedding (and subsequent breakup, or widowhood – she still wasn't entirely sure how that all worked out), and he...well, he was coming out of some kind of relationship. She could tell, from his clipped answers and grief-filled eyes, that that friend of his, that Rose, had meant the world and a half to him, and her leaving – and she really didn't think it was by choice, never mind what he told her – had nearly killed him. And to top it all off it had been Christmas, which had never been her favorite holiday. It just hadn't been the best time, but apparently when the universe wanted to give you a wakeup call it didn't really take your personal schedule into account.

After one day of running around London and through time, her eyes had been…well, 'opened' didn't really seem like a good word for it. Didn't seem strong enough. Whatever they had been, she had made a decision, right then and there: she wasn't going to go on as before. She'd make her life mean something now, make it matter. She wouldn't be a nobody anymore. She'd…walk in the dust. But she'd do it here, on her own, without him – 'cause traveling with the Doctor…well, it terrified her, really. He terrified her.

But it hadn't quite worked, her plan. She went back this new, improved Donna into the same old, nobody Donna life. Time dragged on, and she tried to do things that mattered, but nothing seemed to work out quite like she planned – and that's when her plan changed.

So she went around with luggage in the boot of her mum's car, keeping her eyes peeled for funny blue boxes and Martians in tight suits. And then, just when she'd about given up hope, there he'd been – right in the Adipose building with her. And now here she was, hatbox in hand, ready to go. Ready to jump. Ready to fall.

He still terrified her.

She still thought she was a nobody.

But…she was ready to change that. Because it was time, and she was Donna Noble, and she never should have turned him down the last time.

She was ready, and she knew exactly where she wanted to go first.


	9. You Were Just Here

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Lee McAvoy x Donna Noble

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** 04x09 ("The Forest of the Dead").

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**You Were Just Here (performed by Jo Dee Messina)**_

_The calendar on the wall doesn't miss you at all_

_It still says you'll be there with us all on Christmas Eve_

_The picture you hung last week keeps staring back at me_

_There we are, still laughing like nothing ever happened_

_But I still feel you in the air – it's not fair, it's not fair_

He's not real.

He never was.

He never could be.

It was a mantra of sorts, those three little lines. Over and over in her mind, keeping her sane when she wanted to be anything but. _He's not real, he never was, and he never could be._ Real – what he's not.

But it just wasn't fair! She had been a mum, and they had been happily married, and…none of it had ever been real. Her seven years had been half an hour in a computer's memory banks. She had been _saved_ (wouldn't that old church widow down the lane love to hear that one?). And the computer – that CAL, or maybe even that ruddy Dr. Moon – had created him for her. Just as it had created her children.

Who weren't real.

And damn it, it hurt. It hurt that they weren't real, it hurt that she actually wanted them to be, it hurt that she was almost relieved they weren't, and it hurt that she cared enough to hate herself for it. It hurt that traveling with the Doctor had exposed her to this deep ache, yet she still wouldn't give it up for the world.

Even if, in that world, she was Donna McAvoy instead of just Donna Noble.

Even if, in that world, she was still with him, his arms holding her like she was…

Even if, in that world, she still had two little angels to kiss goodnight at bedtime.

Even if that world was a world she really wanted – even if that world was one she really didn't. Donna Noble? Mum? Wife? Ha – not bloody likely! …but…Donna McAvoy? Oh, yes. Please, yes.

And damn it, she needed time to process this! She didn't need to run off with "always all right" and pretend like he had never been there, even if he hadn't. The Doctor didn't grieve, ok – but she did. Even if he was biologically incapable of it, she was, and she needed it. She needed to scream and cry and rage, because for the second time in her life she was a widow and…

But she wasn't, was she? Because Lee McAvoy is not real.

He never was.

He never could be.


	10. Whistles the Wind

**Series:** iPod Shuffle Challenge

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Character / Pairing Focus:** Rose Tyler; (Tenth) Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Rating:** K Plus / PG / All Ages

**Notes:** S4, pre-finale.

**Disclaimer:** _Doctor Who_ and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own _Doctor Who_.

_**Whistles the Wind (performed by Flogging Molly)**_

_Well, it breaks my heart to see you this way_

_The beauty in life – where's it gone?_

_Well, somebody told me you were doing ok_

_Somehow I guess they were wrong_

She sees his face, only for a moment, but for Rose Tyler a moment is long enough – at least where the Doctor is concerned. He's in the middle of saving a world, a fiery redhead by his side (where _she_ should be, she can't help but think), and everything's falling apart around him. She's not even corporeal this time – barely visible – and she can't bring herself to hope he'll see her. She shouts for him, knowing that without a physical body he can't hope to hear her (but he's slightly psychic, and that must count for something, shouldn't it?), and he continues being the Doctor. Continues trying to save everyone. Continues…

But then he turns, and she sees his face, and she can't scream anymore. She feels the Void tug at her, feels the universe that's not her own pulling, and his eyes haunt her as her ghost is pulled across hell.

He promised her he'd be ok. She thinks he lied.

He promised he'd be alone. She knows he lied.

And she doesn't know if she can be happy for the woman by his side, because she doesn't want him alone – but she doesn't want him with anyone but her, either. It's a selfish, childish thought she hasn't quite been able to release yet; she knows he's the Doctor, knows he belongs to everyone – has known since the fiasco with Sarah Jane – but she still can't stop the thought.

And maybe she would be happy for him, if she hadn't seen his eyes. If she had seen him there, going on like he said and like she knew he wanted her to, instead of locking onto those ancient eyes that…they had never seemed so…she didn't want to call it dead, because that word didn't seem _him_. But that was exactly what it seemed: like he was surviving instead of living, like he wasn't her Doctor anymore. Like she had broken him, and that thought breaks her.

He promised he'd be ok.


End file.
